Dave Cameron's Diary: 19th February 2008

Hi trendy readers!

Yesterday George and I gave Mr.Brown a double whammy over the nationalisation of Northern Rock. With great gravitas we called on Alistair Darling to resign. Some of our members are suggesting that it is worse than Black Wednesday. I know this is true because at the time I brought Norman Lamont a cigar in order to help cheer him up over accusations that the pound had been effectively devalued and £3 billion sterling had been wiped off. Nationalizing a bank in order to protect it for the following months is far worse. You tell that to their customers!
Then to the Commons where George laid into Gordon Brown again. As he raised his voice attacking him for economic incompetence I could see how the future will be. Me as PM with George becoming one of the great Chancellors of the Exchequer turning this country around, after ten years of relative economic stability that we started and which Labour screwed up after, erm, well ten years I suppose.. Hang on! That sounds as if Labour is fairly competent and that can't be right!
Well anyway I am digressing. Later on, whilst I was watching old clips of John F.Kennedy on YouTube and George was playing darts in the corner of the office, complete with photo of Gordon Brown over the board, my PPS barged in and told us we were at risk of running late for our meeting with the Blessed Margaret at the new Conservative Party HQ. Off we dashed on our bikes, making sure that my lexus was waiting outside with the engine running, should we forget to go to another function immediately afterwards.
The event was to commemorate a bust of her being unveiled. As we lay prostrate before her, our great spiritual leader pointed out that we must not deviate from the old ways. I knew this myself when I recently sweated over the possibility of having to pen a Maoist-style self-criticism when I invited her for tea, stating a regret at not thinking of inviting her before Gordon did. George was not happy about that I can tell you!
Anyway the lexus was calling and off I went, faster than a man with a team of huskies to address the National Farmers Union. Was a bit nervous to be honest, but I drew on my love of the countryside and the fact that whenever I spend the weekends at my Witney constituency I like nothing better than watching badgers playing in the road outside the family home. For some reason they were not to happy to hear me say that, but some of my aides muttered that it was a remark worthy of Boris Johnson. I cheered up at that because someone in my office had the idea of Boris running for Mayor and obviously they know good political sense when they see it.
Then home, where I slammed on another CD by The Jam and listened to one of my favourite songs; The Eton Rifles. The Evening Standard recently pointed out that some of the lyrics were a bit anti Eton, but I pointed out that I knew, but ignored it. In fact I think that if you ignore the lyrics altogether, the message of the true Cameron Conservative alternative to Labour comes through